Ode to an Open Relationship

The Dream

August 5, 2012 at 11:54am

PublicFriendsFriends except AcquaintancesOnly MeCustomClose FriendsThe JezebellesSee all lists...Austin, Texas AreaFamilyJezebelles & Juggernauts..would slap a b*tch forSends me drunk texts :)...Irie Jane and Cullen DrakeAcquaintancesGo Back

It was nighttime, dark outside, and I was standing alone in the kitchen.  I was holding a towel or a dish or something in my hand. You walked in and spoke to me.

I turned to face you but I kept my eyes on the floor.  I was silently crying, tears flowing down my cheeks. My clothes were soaking wet from my teardrops and there was a puddle on the floor.
You said, "Look at me."
But when I raised my eyes to look into yours, I turned into someone special from your past. One of your ex girlfriends.
Then I changed into another ex of yours. And then another. And I kept morphing into different women, most of whom I did not recognize.
Until finally, you dropped down to your knees, face in your hands...crying.
And I was myself again. Tears still streaming.

I began to sink down in front of you - reaching out - and I thought I was leaning in to give you love and compassion but then
suddenly
I kicked you hard in your face. And blood poured from your eye sockets and flowed from your nostrils. And bats were flying out of your mouth.

And just as suddenly -
                                  ~calmness~
We were together on the beach, bathed in moonlight.
I was kneeling in front of you in soft sparkly white sand
there was no blood
                 no tears
                 no bats
There was just you & I.

I touched your face and gently placed your head on my heart.
As I stroked your hair, you trembled.

Inside myself,
I felt a battle between love and pain.
I could feel the same battle going on inside of you.
There was so much love there.
And so much much pain there too.
And they were fighting.

And then-
more suddeness
the moonlight flickered off and
all. was. dark.

And then I woke up.

Slaves to the Beast

Here I am finally back living in my own home again - no one to answer to except myself and my 3 kids.  I had once again let myself get into a position where I depended on a man and he took advantage of the control he had over me.  It hasn’t always been that way.  I’ve been completely independent before.  Many times. A single mom for nearly 20 years.

What I’ve learned is that a financial struggle for me, is much more tolerable than an emotional one.  I can always find my way out of a financial rut - work more - work  harder - bat my eyelashes.  fun? Not always, but at least it’s something I can control. This is preferable to an emotional rut, considering emotions at times, aren’t easily controlled. Especially for a full-blown Scorpio woman.

Don’t misunderstand me.  I realize the power of mind over matter. I’ve recently discovered my super human powers of creating my own happiness. 

So that’s where I am now - I’ll get to where I was before. The same place we all begin.

Before learning and growing. Gaining wisdom..with each day and every life lesson.

Back to the present moment - I moved out of a less than ideal situation with an ex boyfriend/lover/friend and two fabulous bonus kids. That story will come much later, and it’s a doozie, I tell ya ;) 

I have no regrets. None. I treasure each and every experience I’ve ever had and the people who have come into and out of my life.

Now. 

My house.

I have my very own place again. My 19 year old daughter, Krissy, is living with me for the summer to babysit her 6 and 3 year old siblings; Irie and Cullen, respectively. It’s amazing having all my children under a roof with me again. Even if it’s just temporary. We will miss Krissy immensely when she goes back home to Louisiana for school in the fall.

That’s all I’m going to say about my lovely, snuggly, loving, smart, beautiful, funny kids for now. I have some fun and sexy stories to tell you. Not just mine, but others as well. Feel free to get over the fact that I often speak in incomplete sentences.  Shit happens.

My girlfriends of different ages/generations frequently come over for wine or coffee (usually wine, ok sometimes often, cocktails) and the subject always without fail, turns to…yep. Men.  It’s like Sex in the City with every gathering.  There’s me, “Carrie Bradshaw,” blogging about my relationships and the relationships of my friends.  I’ve got friends like “Samantha,” very sexual about everything and you can’t help but live vicariously through some of their exciting “sexcapades.” I even have a friend who just published her memoirs at the young age of 23. I’ve got my prudish “Charlotte” friends who make me giggle. And then there are my bitchy “Miranda” friends, who are in my opinion, the most entertaining of them all. And don’t we all have that delusional friend (like on OITNB) who is obsessed with that one man - she thinks they’re in love, but everyone else knows otherwise?  I shouldn’t fail to mention my 65 year old bonus mom, a published children’s author, who once told a young friend and I that all women are slave to the “Beast.” (More on this subject later) Hell, I’ve also got the cast of Desperate Housewives in my friend/acquaintance club. You’ll soon hear tales of Housewives of Travis County, Austin and Housewives of all the country…. as my girlfriend list is far and wide. I’ve moved around and been a large presence on social media for years, gaining new friendships and insights constantly. Sex in the City, Sex on the Farm, Sex in small towns USA. Here we all are, test driving man after man. Sometimes, when we’re smart, we even get rid of them before we go test driving new ones. People aren’t cars. There’s no need to hold onto them until a new one comes along. In fact, I personally discourage it.

So welcome to my fascinating world with a vast array of characters and plots and mayhem, sex, destruction, deceit, joy, life, lessons, and love.

Most will be fact, some will be fiction. Read further with caution, this could turn into an addiction.  (see what I did there?)

The next episode will cover my first and current sexual experiences and I’ll introduce you to a few upcoming sexy female characters after we meet for drinks this weekend… ;)

Here come our stories.  Don’t worry fellas, the names will be changed to protect the guilty.

                                                                               ~Laurel Lizzlepants